Stirrings in My Heart - January 2014

I find that more and more, I still struggle with this whole concept of love. It’s not that I don’t know what love is, but I find it much more difficult to experience it sometimes in a physical sense. While I know that my parents and sisters would tell me that they love me, I find that I see and experience the love from my parents more easily and readily than I do the latter. Why exactly do I struggle with this? What is it with love that I have a hard time experiencing (feeling) it around me? It’s not like God is not with me, right? Then again, maybe I have forgotten to allow him to fully take over my heart. It’s been in pain before, and I feel confused about quite a few things: how can God love and accept me for being such a wreck? Why is it that I was born with Autism, and how will this be relatable with other people? It’s not easy to live through life where you’re around people who hurt you at times and often don’t forgive you. Oh, how there is such darkness in this dying world.